


Thoughts At Dawn

by just_an0ther_daydreamer



Category: Neighbours (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Love, Romance, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 11:39:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19829425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_an0ther_daydreamer/pseuds/just_an0ther_daydreamer
Summary: Takes place after the events of Episode 8131, when Paul moves back in with Terese.References to past events, most of which are canon.





	Thoughts At Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> *Content Warning: References to death, blood, shooting, hospitals, cancer and traumatic experiences. Please Take Care.
> 
>   
> This is my first ever time writing a fic, so it’s not the greatest. But I hope you like it! Thank you for reading, I appreciate it heaps :)

Paul paces anxiously through the hospital waiting area, a million thoughts racing through his mind.

_What’s taking so long?_

_She should be out by now …_

_It’s alright, it’s alright Paul, stay calm …_

_David knows what he’s doing._

He lets out a deep sigh and sits back down on one of the plastic chairs, opposite the reception desk. He alternates between fiddling with his thumbs and twisting the ring on his pinkie finger, as he always did when he was nervous. Right now, however, nervous was an understatement. He was a complete wreck, consumed by fear and helplessness. He wanted to scream, cry and even pray, all at once. But more than anything, he wanted to have Terese in his arms.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees David emerging through the doors in his blue surgical scrubs. Paul quickly moves towards his son, greeting him with a mix of relief, anticipation and further worry.

“Oh! David, finally! Please … please tell me she’s going to be okay … ”

David remains silent, a look of remorse and unmistakeable sorrow plastered across his face. 

Paul’s heart begins to race, he knows _that_ look … he knows something is wrong.

“David! Please, you have to tell me what’s going on”.

Paul raises his voice slightly, “please!”

“Dad, I-I’m so sorry–”

“No …” Paul interrupts his son, softly. He doesn’t want to believe what he’s hearing, but he knows David wouldn’t lie.

“I’m so s-sorry … we did everything we could”, David’s voice fades into a whisper.

Paul’s balance becomes unsteady and he reaches for the nearest wall. Tears begin to form in his eyes without permission and he quickly feels some rolling down his cheek. He wants to scream, but it feels like he is choking. His mind is thinking about everything and nothing all at once. The world around him continues to spin. Paul crouches over his legs in an attempt to steady himself and feels David’s arms wrapped tightly around him, but it gives him no consolation. The one person he wants to hold him, the one person that can make everything okay is the one that is gone. He begins gasping for air. 

**_**GASP**_ **

****

Paul’s eyes snap open. He is breathing rapidly and heavily. Realising he’s had a nightmare, he begins to gain composure but quickly realises Terese isn’t in his arms. He frantically rolls over to his left side and relief graces him immediately upon seeing his partner, sound asleep. Usually, he would have awoken with Terese spooned in his arms, but after the recent Vance debacle, he wasn’t ready to fully trust her again and had insisted on sleeping with his back to her.

But now, at the crack of dawn and with rays of light beginning to shine through the curtains, Paul manoeuvres his body closer to curl behind hers and wraps his arm around her without a second thought. The warmth of her body and the familiar, floral aroma of her hair shampoo is comforting. Paul gently nuzzles his nose into the back of Terese’s hair and affectionately rubs his thumb back and forth over her hand, an action that came so instinctively to him. 

_She’s here … it was just a nightmare_ , he reiterates to himself. But was it _really_? There had been times in the past where he had almost lost Terese and the helplessness he experienced in that nightmare was not foreign territory.

Lying as still as possible, Paul forces his mind into less morbid thoughts. He thinks back to the first time they were snuggled up like this, after the first time they had slept together since they’d begun a relationship. That whole afternoon had been perfect. 

As Paul relives this thought, a smile begins to form on his face and he plants a soft kiss on the back of Terese’s head. However, the peaceful moment is interrupted by a recollection of Terese lying on the floor of The Waterhole, squirming in pain and with blood seeping through her blouse. That sort of image was what nightmares were made of, but he had witnessed it for real, earlier this year when Terese was shot by the Renshaws.

As he continues to be curled up behind her, Paul remembers being frozen for a few, long seconds before rushing over to aid. The utter despair he felt in those minutes, waiting for the ambulance to arrive, as the thought of losing her _completely_ was so terrifyingly possible. Having lost her love to another man, even his own son, was one thing … but losing Terese from his life altogether would’ve been a whole other unimaginable world of pain.

Paul recalls putting pressure on Terese’s bullet wound with a tea towel, desperately trying to halt the bleeding. Amidst the chaos and panic around him, all he had wanted to do then was assure her everything was going to be okay, but the words couldn’t seem to find a way out of his mouth. He remembers the emptiness, as he waited in the hospital for hours on end. Envisioning the worst possible scenarios one after each other. Agonising over the possibility of Terese dying without being able to let her know how much he loved her, followed quickly by denial. Trying to convince himself that he _just_ _cared about her as a friend_ , not only for the sake of his own heart, but because he didn’t want to hurt Leo and Jane Harris, his girlfriend at the time.

The thoughts of the shooting ordeal transport Paul to another time he felt helpless, when Terese was diagnosed with cancer. He remembers putting on a brave act and being strong in front of her, _for_ her, only to lie in bed alone in his penthouse each night. Tossing, turning and crying into the early hours of the morning. Wishing everything she was going through was happening to him, and not her. Wanting to wrap her in a comforting embrace, every time she confided in him about her fears, but having to respect the boundaries as she was with Gary at the time.

 _Gary Canning_. Thinking of Gary, a pang of sadness sweeps over Paul. He had to endure seeing Terese and him together for a whole year. He knew that relationship was never going to last. He knew Terese was settling and he knew _deep down_ that Terese loved _him_. Still, watching Terese play happy families with the Cannings and choosing Gary time and time again had been tough. It was nothing compared to the betrayal, heartbreak and insecurity he felt seeing Terese with his son though. Unlike Terese’s relationship with Gary, when Terese was with Leo, Paul genuinely believed she didn’t love him and never would.

In the present, Paul pushes the memory of catching Leo and Terese together in his Penthouse out of his mind. He doesn’t want to revisit it. There are tears building in his eyes. In this moment, he _knows_ how long he had to wait for Terese to _choose him_. How long he had to wait for her to love him, unapologetically and fearlessly. How long he had to wait to hold her in his arms.

Paul plants a kiss on Terese’s shoulder. It is scarred from when she was trapped in the Erinsborough High School fire in 2015. _Trapped in a fire, battling cancer, being shot and not to mention, losing her beloved son._ Terese had been through so much and Paul admired her strength and resilience every day. He remembers bringing flowers to her in the hospital and vowing they would find the person responsible for the fire. Those words had leapt out of his mouth. It was as if making her feel safe, making her feel cared about, was always an instinct to him. He didn’t know at the time, but in hindsight he had realised that he already loved her then. _Even long before that_.

Terese had always been there for him, at first professionally then as a close friend over time. She was the only one who could challenge and hold an argument with him. The one he’d always make time for, even if it was to patiently listen to her talk about her marital issues to Brad again and again. She was always the one that understood him. The only one he felt comfortable being vulnerable around. The one who knew him better than he knew himself. Who could talk sense into him. Who made him laugh. Who inspired him to do better, to _be_ better. The one who made him feel alive. The one whose happiness mattered more than anything.

It was why he had tried so hard to set Terese up with Ezra as he genuinely believed she deserved better than Brad. That plan, however, had gone disastrously wrong and in retrospect, he had deeply regretted his mistakes. It was this guilt that had prompted him to take control of the situation, hiring someone to get Ezra beaten up. He had wanted so much to make things right on Terese’s behalf, to get her the justice she deserved. This probably hadn’t been the best way to go about it though.

Terese was, again, at the forefront of his mind when he decided to help her brother. As mayor at the time, he could have used the council money to fund many other projects, but he chose _Nick’s_ research centre as he thought it would make Terese happy having her brother around Erinsborough … and the thought of Terese being happy, it made him happy too. 

Little did he know what Nick was capable of. The thought of Nick’s ruthless, deceitful, inhumane actions makes Paul’s blood boil and sends shivers down his spine, all at the same time. Paul remembers when Nick and him were _friends_ ; they had been drinking up in his penthouse. Paul hadn’t been able to stop talking about how much Terese helped him after Kate died, gushing about what a dedicated colleague she was and insisting that she deserved better than Brad. _“You love her, don’t you?”_ … Paul had laughed off Nick’s suggestion and quickly put it down to the alcohol speaking, before changing the topic. But he couldn’t help but wonder at the time if there was some level of truth to it.

Nowadays, Nick was a topic that was rarely spoken about between Paul and Terese. Paul wondered how Nick would react if he found out Terese and him were now together. _Does he already know?_ _Even if he does, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to let him – I’m not going to let anyone come between us_.

 _I’m not going to let anyone come between us._ That thought echoed in Paul’s mind. At the moment, he _was_ letting Vance come between them. Terese had reassured Paul that he was the one she wanted, that he was her future. Now, the ball was in his court.

Paul never thought he would be capable of loving someone the way he loves Terese. He had never entertained the idea of _soul_ _mates_ , but when he fell so deeply in love with Terese, he truly felt like he was put on this earth to do exactly that. _She was his soul mate_. His other half. As if everything they’d been through in life was leading to them finding one another and learning to love each other _unconditionally_. Was he going to throw it all away?

 _The love of my life. My best friend. My everything. My forever. My soul mate._ He _knows_ he could have lost her, just like in the nightmare. It was in this moment, at the crack of dawn, that Paul decided he didn’t want to waste another moment being angry, resentful or bitter at Terese about the Vance situation. It wasn’t worth it.

Even though Terese and him were already skin-to-skin, this revelation prompted Paul to curl up even closer and cuddle her tighter.

_I love you, darling._


End file.
